I have a dilemma. I want to properly ridicule the Twilight books and movies. But to do so requires me to actually read the books/watch the movie. I don't want to read the books/watch the movie. So I have to settle for taking bits of other people's critiques of Twilight and reposting them here.
From a Salon review.
His body is as hard and cold as stone, an ick-inducing detail that this reader, for one, found impossible to get past.
WTF?! Edward is COLD?!
Ok, I get that Stephanie Meyer otherwise describes Edward's appearance in cliche but flattering terms. Well maybe except for "sparkle". Otherwise, he's supposed to have a good jawline and nice hair, or something like that. But it makes no sense in real life to have cold people!!
Hey Tween girls, the reason you still like Twilight is because you've never cuddled a real person! Living people are warm! Cold people are freaky. Not just freaky, THEY'RE DEAD! This is the most unerotic thing ever. Having sex with Edward is like screwing a corpse? Ugh. This reminds me of the cadavers I cut up last semester.