Travels: Origins

I was also frequently greeted with "kunichiwa". Eventually I wasn't bothered so much by being misidentified as Japanese because they are definitely the most common Asian tourists in Istanbul. There were some Koreans and very few Chinese. Statistically they'd have a higher chance of guessing the correct nationality, I suppose. It didn't change the fact that I got unwanted attention, regardless of the language.

One evening a Turkish friend and I went to a restaurant where the maitre d'expressed surprise that I was from America. At least that's what I think he meant. I heard my Turkish friend tell him "Amerika", probably saying where I was from. But then he looked at me and waved his hand over his face, drawing attention to my face as if to double check that I really was from America. 

During my whole time away from the US, I've noticed just the racial diversity in the US is an anomaly compared to many other countries. In Denmark, for example, the earliest immigrants only arrived in the 1960s. The country is still struggling to include non ethnic Danes in the country. But in the US we know that there are many Americans who aren't white. However, it seems that abroad, people don't realize this reality so much. To people I've met abroad, I hope that our friendship has shown you what America is like apart from the movies and TV.

Travels: Return

I've been dreading this day. Today I took my two suitcases from the corner of my room where they were upright and laid them down in the middle of my floor to begin to pack up my life.

Things I think about: Inevitable return

The past two weeks and the next week will be tough for me because I have papers to write, but mostly because I have to handle the academic pressure on top of handling my friends' departures.

In some effort to console myself, I jotted down this list of things I am looking forward to doing when I return. Of course if I could, I would make my exchange experience last forever. But I can't. Even though I pushed back the date of my return by almost three weeks, it still feels like there's not enough time. I'm sure this is how everyone feels but still, it's a crappy feeling. In the end, we all feel like this, no matter how late we are departing.

The downside to being one of the last to leave is that I have to go to all the goodbye parties. But that's just me complaining. I wouldn't want to leave early either because I would want to squeeze out one more moment here.

Anyway here's the list, in the order in which they came to me:
Panera bread
Victoria's Secret
Soup Spoon
Kelsey Museum
Bubble Tea
Big shopping carts
Whole Foods
Espresso Royale
Sweetwaters, particularly the new one on Plymouth/Green
UMMA
Driving
Bathtub
Flimflam
Downtown Ann Arbor
Art Fair and Urban Outfitters Sale
Express
DIA
GAP

Looking at this list, I realize it sounds like I'm longing for the consumerist wastefulness that is the worst of American life but it's really more about the things that make me feel comfortable and the people I will be with when I visit these places. There are specific people who I want to do these things with. At least some of you know who you are so we'll surely be in touch when I get back.

EDIT June 2 11:10 PM
sushi
a really big watermelon
Great Plains Burger on Plymouth Road. I don't know what's special about it but I like it.
TJMaxx and Marshalls
Dr. Pepper
Bookstore where I can actually read the books
Old Navy flip flops

I'm bad at saying goodbye

It's a bit blabby, just to warn you.

I can't deal with saying goodbye. I'm actually not leaving Århus for another month but already I clearly feel that this is the end of many things. It seems irrational to me that the end of our time here should make me so sad because I knew that this day would come.

At the beginning of my exchange, I had no idea it would be so hard to leave here. I didn't understand how difficult it was for an Italian exchange student I knew. She was supposed to leave in February or March. Several of her friends post a brief video on facebook to say goodbye to her. She commented below the video that it had made her bawl. I knew she was scheduled to fly back to Italy. But the next day I found out that she decided to rebook or cancel that return flight entirely. She wanted to get back to Denmark as soon as possible, anyway possible. In the end, she got an internship placement in another city in Denmark and comes to Århus on weekends to visit her Erasmus friends. It all seemed so immature to me to do anything to extend a previously decided length of studying abroad. When it's time to leave, you leave and are a little bit sad about it but you know that Erasmus is a finite experience. But now I think I know what that's like.

I've been trying to figure out what it is exactly that I have such a hard time letting go of. The friends I have met here, I will miss. The life that I have lived here in the last six months, I will miss. But it's the experience that I will not be able to continue.

The world is small and we'll meet each other again. And even if we don't, we have Skype, we have Facebook.  But the set of circumstances during which we have been friends will not be the same.

It sounds like I'm saying that I don't miss my friends here but that's not what I mean. I will miss them very much but I am just a teeny bit comforted by the fact that we will keep in touch in other ways. All these people will remain. The geography doesn't bother me that much because I have friends living in different states. We don't see each other except via social media. I can deal with that. When I was feeling particularly sad about our impending diaspora, I repeated to myself, "We have Skype. We have Skype. We have Skype," like a mantra.

But the experiences here are not only dependent on individual people but also circumstances which will never occur again. There is only one first time. There is only one moment where we went to the beach and the sea and the wind and the clouds and the sun looked that way, only one moment where we looked that way and felt that way. My friends here will continue to exist after Erasmus ends but our Erasmus semester itself will end. And I'm not sure that anything can comfort me.

There were times in the first weeks in Denmark where I missed the States dearly. Now I know that my first few weeks back "home", I will miss my friends and my life in Århus intensely. Thanks to all my Stateside friends who sent their cyberlove when I shamelessly asked for it. I know when these Århus friends that have dispersed, I will go home to you all.

Travels: Americans Abroad

I spent the weekend in Oslo, where I was surprised to see a few other Americans.

First I saw Lincoln in Vigeland Park. This bust of honest Abe was given to Oslo by the people of North Dakota in 1914. I came around from the back of the bust and thought I spied a familiar chin. And I was right.

The next day, I was near Akerhus Fortress and saw this. I saw the name carved beneath the sculpture first. Otherwise I'm not sure I would have recognized it was FDR. I think the likeness needs a bit more work...

Things I Think About: Passed Milestones, A Pause

I have been here longer than I will be.

The halfway point of my time in Denmark slipped by without my notice. I arrived in Denmark January 4th. My return ticket is June 22nd. It's now March 22nd and I only have two months left in Denmark!

I have seriously thought about changing the date of my return flight. I am legally allowed to stay in Denmark until July 15th, though my lease for my house ends June 30th so I wouldn't have anywhere to stay for two weeks. Of course I could travel that whole time. Traveling is fun but very costly, even more so in the summer high season.

I'm beginning to be anxious about my time here, to be honest. I know everyone has already said studying abroad is one of the best experiences. I'm just reaffirming that it is.

It's anxiety about the three major components of my life here: academics, traveling, and my "normal" life in Århus.

The academic component is more pressing now that the end of the semester is within sight. Even though I have fewer exams and essays than a normal semester in the States, I hear grade inflation doesn't happen here. Additionally, I am more and more pulled away from Århus and back toward MSU because I need to prepare for medical school in the fall. More and more information is coming from CHM for incoming students. In about a week I may find out if which pre-clinical campus I'll be assigned to.

Traveling is an important component of my experience here. I've managed to go (or to book tickets) to some places I always dreamed about: Amsterdam, Oslo, London, Berlin, Brussels, Prague. But I've yet to go to  just as many other priority destinations: Paris, Ireland, Spain, Greece, Istanbul, Krakow. And the sand is slipping quickly.

I also feel a tension between staying in Århus and traveling. When I'm traveling, I'm not  This may come off sounding ungrateful for the opportunity to travel around Europe but I like the people here in Århus. We go to the city center. It's not a UNESCO World Heritage Site but it needn't be. We go to free concerts at the music hall. It's not the Vienna Philharmonic but it needn't be that either. We go to the town's museum. It's not the British Museum but it doesn't matter. We sit around the table eating pasta and drinking cheap beer. All these things make me happy too. I'm not here on an extended sightseeing trip; I also want to get to know people too. When I'm back in the States, I will tell people, "I have been to Prague and it is beautiful there." But just as important, I want to be able to say, "I have a friend in Prague." Two kinds of relationships with the city. The two are not the same. 

***

I was about to publish this entry when I saw my friend Beth, an American studying abroad in Milan, write about similar feelings of cultural shift and adaption. She also included this graph of cultural adjustment!

I think I am farther along than the marker on this graph because I am "anticipating return", which is to say I am panicking at the realization that I will return to the U.S. very soon. I don't want to leave!

Things I think about: Marshmallow Peeps

A while ago I dreamed that I ate marshmallow peeps.

I'm sure this dream was prompted by the Easter merchandise that has popped in grocery stores in the past week or so. There is the usual assortment of chocolates bunnies and eggs. It's looks pretty much like the Easter candy we have in the States with the notable lack of marshmallow peeps.

The closest thing I saw to peeps were marshmallow bunnies but they're not Peeps brand in that they don't have the sugar crust nor are they fluorescent yellow. I really like the sugar crust so it's just not the same having regular bunny shaped marshmallows.

Things I haven't seen:
Plastic Easter eggs, however, so perhaps Danes don't hold Easter egg hunts.
Egg dye
Eggs on sale -- this last point irks me because egg are definitely more expensive here than in the States.

This flyer from a local grocery store illustrates the typical price of a dozen eggs: 25 kroner or $5. The organic ones cost even more. This is unfortunate because I really like eating eggs and I have grown accustomed to them being a cheap and delicious source of protein in the States.

Now that Easter is over, I bought some Easter marzipan eggs. But unlike the States where Easter candy is often 50% off, I got about $1 off candy originally priced at $5. I don't think we have marzipan eggs in the States, or at least they're not popular enough that I know about them. They have a crunch candy shell -- much like M&Ms -- followed by a layer of chocolate and finally a marzipan center. They're very good.

Something I Think (A Lot) About

I was in a grocery store perusing the shelves of condiments and sauces when I saw a bottle of soy sauce whose logo was a Chinese man: the coolie hat, queue, little mustache, and unnaturally yellow skin.

I bought another brand of soy sauce. Its logo was written in "Chinese" font. I suppose that's a bit better.

***

During my first weeks in Denmark, I met a lot of new people. Naturally a common question is "Where are you from?" This time it came from a Danish girl I met briefly at a party.

I replied that I was from the United States.

"Oh but you're not American, are you?"

"I am."

***

I remarked in my facebook profile that I didn't realized how much I felt at home in America until I left it. I feel this most keenly when I am confronted with incidents surrounding race, in particular ways in race and ethnicity are not discussed in the States. It's something I think a lot about as I have addressed it here, here, here, and here. But none of those incidents directly concerned me as an individual. Today I am going to get really personal about exchanges I have had with people I know here in Århus.

Excerpt from the Study Abroad Handbook given to all MSU students when they go abroad. It represents not only the university's official recognition of race and ethnicity for its students abroad but I think typifies a sensitivity that many people have in general.

As in the United States, some societies and groups are more open to accepting diversity than others. People react differently to looks and behaviors they are not accustomed to or that appear unusual. Reports from students of diverse racial and ethnic backgrounds are varied, from those who felt exhilarated by being free of the U.S. American context of race relations, to those who experienced different degrees of curiosity about their ethnicity.

While I have no illusions that the complexity of global race relations can be conveyed in a paragraph in a handbook, this excerpt describes most the kind of exchanges about race I have had in Århus: different degrees of curiosity about their ethnicity.Most of the time questions about my heritage are sincere. The atmosphere amongst exchange students is, for the most part, open and welcoming. Since we're all from different places, the people we meet have different customs and cultures.

But at other times I glimpse into the way race is conceptualized by people whose home countries have very different or altogether nonexistent dialogs about race. Most of the exchange students I know here come from ethnically homogeneous countries. That's just the fact. One student told me that it would be very rare to see a black person on the streets in her city.

It's one thing to simply note incidents of indirect racism and it's another to discourage such incidents from happening. Because indirect racism is subtle, it's all the more difficult to challenge, especially if the person expressing it is a friend. Not long ago, I did confront to an exchange student friend of mine about some racist humor that was circulated on facebook. No, confronted is not the right word. I merely made my known that I didn't think his joke about Asian people was funny. It was regarding the gesture is to pull one's eyes toward the side of one's head as if to emulate Asians.

The reaction I got was a common one: I was dismissed as lacking a sense of humor, overly sensitive. I wanted both my personal my feelings and the recognition of its offense to the wider Asian population to be acknowledged and but instead I was treated as if I was the one with the problem of not being able to take a joke.

I recognize that perhaps in other countries this gesture is an acceptable way to joke about a group of people. (Recall a Spanish basketball team photo in which every player gestured this way.) But I think this is very rude, childish, and tasteless. On the playground in elementary kids made slant-eye gestures but in later years made Jokes and gestures are time-honored way to mask poor judgment and pass on ignorance.

***

Coming back to my earlier comment about feeling at home in America. It's true. I really do feel at home there. I think our country is making sincere efforts to address race and ethnicity in meaningful ways. Of course at times I feel like some efforts are mere tokenism. Of course we're not living in a "post-race" country. But here in Århus, it's all the more evident to me that America is a multiracial and multiethnic society. Not only that but we recognize our diversity. but I am very glad for it.

Things I Think About: Intro

I am often asked by exchange students here and by friends in the States if I miss the States. On the whole, I don't consider my feelings about the States to constitute "missing". So no I don't miss the States, not to the degree that I would pack up and return home. The exception to this was during my first week or two here during which I did at times intensely, but not anymore. "Missing" doesn't convey how I feel often here. It's too strong, too sad, and too much longing. I feel something less than longing or sadness.

To describe how I feel, I prefer the Chinese word for "to miss": 想 because it is the same word as "to think". I often think about the ways in which Denmark is different from the States more so than "miss" my life in the States. I use the States as my preference point so naturally I am aware that I am not at home here.

These are moments that make me think.

Meijer brand loyalty

When I was in Copenhagen a couple weeks ago, a girl in my room at the hostel asked if I was from Michigan after I told her I was from the States. She said that she's a native New Zealander who has lived in Texas for the last few years.
How did she pinpoint Michigan out of all the States?

She spotted my bottle of Meijer-brand contact lens cleaning solution. It turns out she lived in Grand Rapids for a few months before moving to Texas.

I felt a sense of kinship with her because we had shared the experience of shopping at Meijer in Michigan. Well, she even knew about Meijer, never mind having actually been to one on the west side of the mitten. I haven't even mentioned Meijer too anyone here. I'm guessing that no one else here knows about it since none of the other American exchange students are from Michigan. 

***

Sadly my bottle of contact solution is used up. In the last week or two, I have had to replace several American-brought toiletries with their counterparts purchased in Denmark.

Before: 

Now:

This sounds silly and sentimental I know because the replacement toiletries I bought are all available in America -- Colgate, Alcon, Nivea. One could argue that I haven't gotten anything different.These items aren't unique to Denmark; You can buy all of them in the States too, (though I don't think Nivea is as popular in the States as it is here). Of course I have used Colgate toothpaste and Alcon contact solution before.

But the reason these empty bottles are significant is because they mark the first American possessions I have shed since coming to Denmark. Most of the things I brought from the States are items I will use during my entire time here, things like clothing, shoes, electronics. Most of the things I brought I will throw away, at least not until the end of my time here. And since I have been in Denmark, food definitely represents the majority of things I have purchased so those items are always gone within a few days. I couldn't have brought food from the States anyway. In throwing away the old bottles and using new ones, I feel like I am inevitably living here a little more.

Finding American Food in Århus

I've been mulling for some time about how to write about Bazar Vest, food, America, identity for a while now. This isn't all I have to say about the subject, that's for sure. But for now this is a post I wrote up quickly before I left for Amsterdam.

During my second week in Århus, the novelty of being in a new place was wearing off somewhat. I craved familiar things. At the top of the list was hummus and pita bread. In the States, I always have these two things on hand. This lead to me searching for hummus and pita in Århus, which I finally found in Bazar Vest, a market with stores by North Africa, Turkish, and Middle Eastern immigrants.

While at Bazar Vest,  I also had coffee with cardamom and it was as good as or even better than any I had in the States. A bakery sold baklava too! After I bought pita and hummus, my friend and I went to a mutual friends house where we sampled them. Even though the hummus tasted a little different, the pita was perfect. I thought the baklava lacked the fragrance of rose water, but it was really a minor quibble compared to finding baklava at all.

My friend summarized my quest for pita and hummus: a Chinese-American girl and a Polish boy go to the immigrant neighborhood in Denmark to find Middle Eastern food that reminded the girl of America. And the box from had the Chinese character 福 and a bamboo motif printed on the side.

I was very very happy that day because I got to eat food I really missed. But I also treasure that trip to Bazar Vest because it represents all the things I love about my life in America and in my life here: the intersecting identities of people in America and the cosmopolitan community of exchange students here in Århus.

 Pita. The label says it's Lebanese

Baklava in bamboo motif box

Baklava with 福 box